she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
