That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
