someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
