i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
