Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
