the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
