We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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