Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
