Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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