Welp...herpes.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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