He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
