Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
