Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
