If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
