Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
How does one acquire holy water?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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