your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
