Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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