You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
