I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
