i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
