??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i will never coherently bang her
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
