I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
