I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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