i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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