I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
