Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Life is so much better after having sex.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
