listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
