why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
