so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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