the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
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