she woke up with a sticky ear
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
