fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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