I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
one two three fourrrrnication!
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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