She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
