The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I think I died a long time ago.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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