Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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