Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
