Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
It's just like the Real World with babies
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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