Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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