Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Is Oprah even human
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
