I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
