WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
