Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
