420 ftw
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
