Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
