I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
