Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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