8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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