I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
