Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
