You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
