Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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