Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
